Can the smear of some pink pigment have such power over one’s psyche?

img_3372-2Recently, I came to realised I am a pink-lipstick-colorist (discriminate based on lipstick colour on one’s lips). No kidding! Call me shallow, call me judgmental but for some reason I have HUGE judgements and sensations that arises whenever I see an older woman with pink lipstick.

It was ridiculous! I am not sure where this intense visceral reactions comes from. Maybe it karma coming back to me when I refused to dress my baby daughter in pink – leading to her often being mistaken as a bald headed baby boy. Or maybe it is some deep-seated feminist belief that anything linked with my appearance or girly-ness is not worth examining as it is superficial.

So ridiculous is this reaction that I had to do something about it! After all, isn’t part of our spiritual practice is to notice our attachments and aversion.

Why couldn’t I take the easier way out and discount it as just as a silly reaction and of no value as it was just make-up after all.

It was interesting how a series of events resulted in me being an ‘reluctant’ owner of a Chanel pink lipstick – the universe conspiring to ensure that I look into this visceral reaction toward pink coloured lipstick. There is no excuse not to investigate as I have all the equipment and subject required for the experiment (hard to take the scientist out of the gal!).

So here is how I went in my attempt to delve into my reactions towards pink lip colour.

DAY 1 – Open the lipstick, looked at its lush glorious pinkness, close lipstick. Noted the thought – “You can not wear that colour, it is only for young girls.” – LIPSTICK RETURNED TO HANDBAG.

Overnight, I decided that I need to go all the way with this. I need to apply this lipstick and watch myself applying it and look at myself after applying. My reactions to this royal pinkness is a trigger for some very really deep seated beliefs.

DAY 2 – So there I was on the second day standing in front of the mirror, looked at myself in the eye and apply the lipstick – hairs behind my head was starting to stand. Willed my hand to continue with the application – creeping sensations from shoulder to neck. Sense of relief when it was done!

Could not look away quick enough! The sensations kept coming. I felt like shaking myself to get rid of the prickly feelings!

DAY 3 & 4 – Repeat Day 2’s method, Observed that sensations were less intense but definitely presented. Still looked away fast very quickly after application of lip colour as the prickly feeling subsided.

DAY 5 – I think today was the turning point of the visceral reaction. I, repeated what I did the last couple of days and sensations were minimal and easier to be with. I even managed to look and SMILE at myself. What a turning point! Phew!

So, I decided to ask a friend what she thought of my pink lipstick. A sense of doubt and angst arose, when she hesitated with her response. After a short moment( that felt like you know what), she responded on how the colour suited me but not what I was wearing. So focused I was about the pink lipstick that I have not did not even think about what I was wearing! Ok still have a bit of the way to go.

DAY 6 – The day of a second coat and a reapplication during the day! No arising sensations but a BIG Smile to myself! Thought arising – “ You look good with pink lipstick!”

Am I aware of the reasons for the initial reactions? Honestly, I don’t think there was one main reason. The experiment was not about that, it was more about noting that I had reactions to something that appeared rather innocent and being with the reactions.

So, I can safely say that my pink-lipstick-colorist days are over. I know that for a fact as I lost my pink lipstick a couple of weeks later as quickly as it appeared in my life. I missed it. Funny, how quickly an aversion can become an attachment!

Do you have your own ‘pink lipstick’ aversion in your life? Love to hear about it!

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